urgh

walao. today arh. super irritating.

went to Bugis with darling today.
and the irritating thing was that I have like 30 bucks to spend on dresses/blouses
but! i couldnt even find neting that really catches my eye.

i am very sad-ed
although i saw this bag that ive been wanting to buy for quite sometime.
thenn i kept thinking, "should i buy should i buy shoul i buy?"
and end up i walked away.
so sad-eeedddd laaaaa

thennn.
went to This Fashion also.
walao no nice blouses.
got money no nice clothes
no money have nice clothes
ish..

hmmm.
then me and darling talked about our relationship.
haish i really feel we are breaking apart because we seems to be arguing almost everyday.
haish love.
i know i couldnt be your good gf because I was unable to support you in the things you do.

its a link
no support = no good gf.

sorry for not being able to trust you fully.
im afraid watever that happened in the pass might happen again.

seriously said
i dont want to find some better guy.
because i know no one can tahan my jealousy-ness for so long.

i try my best to support you love.
but it all depends on what.

i really love you ridzman.
dont ever think of leaving me.
cause it will bloody hurt.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010 22:38 back to top?

good girlfriend

you told me something that I really dont wish to hear.

okay maybe I asked you. "Do u think I am a gd gf?"
and you replied, "i dont think a gud gf exist"
haish.

for almost 16 months and you feel that Im not even a gud gf to you?

thats really heartbreaking for me love.
why did you even say that?
could it be because you were sleepy?

gud gf = no arguments
isnt that supposed to be good?
so whats ur criteria of a gd gf? and you said you didnt know.

in the morning.
went to school
and was kinda moody? no, more like sad?

i would love to be a gud gf to you.
but i guess im never good enuf to be call a gud gf.

if perfect gf doesnt exist? yes i couldnt agree more.
but a gud gf doesnt exist too?

ill do neting for you and you told me that.
i wish you could make me feel better love.
i really wish you could.
Monday, May 24, 2010 20:01 back to top?

my final decision.



what a day.

you know i dont wanna to leave you love.
i cant. and i wouldnt.

i want to be hurt and sad.
just so i am by your side. just so you are still my boyfriend.

find someone else?
that is just not the best option for me.
find someone better that could make me happier?
yes its true. first 6 months of a relationship makes you feel like your in heaven.
but what about after that? what if my new guy breaks my heart?
im supposed to let him go and find another?
if thats the case, it will never end.

but i chose not to leave you.
because i do not want to start over with someone else.
i just wanna be with you, ridzman.

went to talked at some garden.
i told you everything that was killing me inside.
everything that you deserves to know.

yes you are not the one to be blame entirely.
i know im at fault too by asking you some questions just at the wrong time.

when you told me to leave you.. just for a little while.
i cry. and cry and i couldnt control any of my tears anymore.

you kept quiet because u were feeling lost.
you didnt want me to suffer with you.
you didnt want me to be sad because of you.
you didnt want to be selfish.

but the hurt and the sadness i will be feeling if i were to leave you is much more worst than all those darling.

knowing you were there beside me when i cry soothe me.
knowing you too feel the hurt.

you then decided. i shall not leave you.
cause i wouldnt want to stop this relationship.
just for a little while or not, its just not gona happen.

you told me yes i dont have to leave you.
but studies first than bf.
because for you, family then gf.

fine.
if thats what you want.
ill do it just so long im still your gf and we are still together.

haish love.
please dont ever think of leaving anymore.
i dont even know if i can sleep properly tonight.

thinking about this when i got back from school, got me super tired + chest pain.
haish.
please let me sleep tonight....

and ill do neting ridzman.
to keep this relationship going.

ive been a sucker gf for the past week for not knowing what was happening.
but this week. i promise ill be a better gf and make your life a little better.

15 months of a relationship is just far too long to be ending right now.
i dont want this to ever end love.

please have faith in this relationship that we shared.

the relationship that i didnt even know would be this far.
knowing how we both met and fell in love without even seeing each other.

lets keep this relationship going.
lets keep this strong.

seeing you smile and laugh made my heart felt better before i left.
after that, i kept thinking about what you've said.

and my final decision. i wouldnt leave you. i couldnt.
because i just love you too much..
Monday, May 17, 2010 22:33 back to top?

ICD

I am in ICD lecture right now and I am super bored.
and my head hurts

and i pass my fwt test XD

yay-ness

i guess im done here
shall blog again if i got something to blog about.
i am so sleepy.

csm test later. huhu :[
meeting darling later.
i hope its a better day between us today.
12:28 back to top?

bows at raiinbowkrafts?

tomorrow i got test :[

FWT & CSM test.
Im more scared about FWT.
Im so not familiar with the ACLs and such :S

bleh.
i dono what to blog now.

oh yeah.
yesterday i made this bow hairband & i love it damn lots la!
hahax!



and i actually made some other cute bows and with different color ones.
i think ill put it up in raiinbowkrafts somedays.

oh and raiinbowkrafts still alive
do please support ya? XD
Sunday, May 16, 2010 20:58 back to top?

dowan.

i dowan work nemore. kay.

im sick.
im not well yet.

i dont like to work in an environment where it makes me dread to go to work.

yes i miss working at fno.
because i always felt excited to go work.
although yes some people suck.

but knowing that when u reach there, people there like:
ms lathifahh
maisarah
shiqa
fandi
hazreel
aly
firhin
and some others

makes u smile greatly :]]

people like hazreel only! will disturb u like hell
but even so, the guys always know how to make the place kecoh to the max!

shit i miss them lots la!
huhu.

and i dowan work anymore.

i should start bucking up my gpa.
suckish gpa last sem.

hey i didnt skip lessons nemore sia this few days.
darling been super strict with me :[
i dont like.

okay i just skip a whole day lesson to be at home sleeping to fully recover from being sick.
thats not counted right!

been having fever for the past 3 days.
sucks totally to the max.

im still feeling weak though.
oh well.

i think im off to bed now.
nitex :]]

PS:i cant wait to go shopping with sistaaa lathifah next wed!
shop till we drop! woo hoooo!

alright. nitex!
Thursday, May 13, 2010 22:56 back to top?

injections

got my typhoid injections today.
its been 8 years since i last had my injections.

p6.
some injection. that got me crying. lols!

today is another day where i get another injections.
shit it does hurts.
not badly. but since im very manje-ish.
i kept huhu. paiin :[[ hahax!

thanks to the injection. i got flu right now.
and i havent study for fwt quiz tmr.
haish please dont let me screw up my gpa!

alright all i need to do now is lie down.
im tired.
stupid flu.
and
huhu :[ my left arm pain :[[

work on wednesday afternoon.
supposingly meet raymond ho at 12.
work at 1.
so cant make it for sure.
shit i have to change the meeting to another day.

and shit i havent got anything started for fyp.
haish :[[

oh mum.
alhamdullilah ure getting better.
happy mother day to u.

ive tried my best to do laundry for the past two days.
although i know i can never keep up with ur standard. lols.

sorry i cant cook for u.
i still suck badly for that.
but all in all. i do anything for u.

it hurts me to see u sick so badly.
i cried while i was massaging ur head.
but i didnt dare to show that i cried.

i love you mum.
thanks for taking care of me :]
although sometimes u always disagree with my spenditures on clothes and shoes.lols.

do get much much better.
i miss your cooking already :[

happy mother's day.

to darling;
sorry if im being a terrible gf to u.
i dont mean to make us argue.
i just dont like to be treated like as if im just like anybody else.
i dont like it if you dont care about how im feeling.
and be moody as and when u like.
yes ure having problems.
but i dont want that problems to affect our relationship.

u didnt even said ily today.
which keep me wondering. do u still love me?
haish :[[

im truly sorry love.
i love u.
i dont care about how i am right now.
just so you could be better :]

imy.
ily... lots.

Labels: sad

Sunday, May 9, 2010 22:58 back to top?

i wish im pretty.




hahx.
i kinda miss my long hair :[[

anw.
i havent been blogging.
thanks to the icd assignment that have been keeping me busy with the designs and codings.

and i have to work + school + family + boyfriend + close friends

school only waa cmi.
monday got fwt quiz
wed need show some ideas put on visual basic liao.
icd proposal week 5 due.

work
need get injections. SHIT LA!
then sunday work 1 till 5
need to cramp my brain with more things.

omg.
crazy sia.

no work.no money.
dead.

got money no time shopping.
stupid fyp.
stupid assignment.
stupid quiz.
urgh.

first day at mc cafe today.
im like so blur.
hahax.

i was just asked to wash and clean tables.
and i realised something.
why do i always start a new job on a friday?
lols.

so yeap.
my lovable sis; Lathifahh dropped by and bought some drinks that she have fallen in love with it. hahax!
sorry love cant make u drinks yet. next time kayy XD

thennn supposingly to meet up with haz and fandi to talk at fno.

thennnn.
haz went.
so after work i got nothing to do.
ask haz to join me and fandi have dinner.
then haz met his friend.

then i told haz to wait at the same place while i go change clothes.
thanks to him, after i went out to toilet.
i couldnt find him newhere!

so i was panicky.
thanks to my phone for dying on me in time when i need it the most.
then i saw this pakcik who walks around jp, somewhat like security guard arh.
then i always talk with him when i was working at fno.

then i told him can i borrow his phone to call up fandi.
and i didnt even remember his number.
and i dial randomly.
as i was trying, he appeared.
lols.

and we went to meet haz and his friend at basement.
andd we went to banquet to eat.
then talk2.
haz and his friend went off.
so left me and fandi.
so we both ate dinner.

yeap.
darling please dont get me wrong.
me and fandi tkde ape2.
he was just accompany-ing me to eat.

so yeap.
what a day.
got home and got scolded.
thanks dad.
thats not the way to ask about my day.

tomorrow getting injections.
please please let it be less painful.

alright
im done.
kinda tired.
what a day.

nitex.
and darling still not back from work yet -.-
Friday, May 7, 2010 21:56 back to top?

quit job

yes i quit my job at FNO last Sunday.
just that i havent got the time to blog.
because of the anger and hatred that i was feeling.
which cause me quite a bad chest pain =.=

it sucks there big time.
WHAT HAPPENED TO TEAM WORK AND HELP EACH OTHER?
YOU THINK YOU GOING TO BE SUPERVISOR, YOU CAN JUST SIMPLY ORDER PEOPLE AROUND.
EH SORRY LA HOR. YOU ARE NOT A SUPERVISOR YET! GOING TO BE DOESNT MEAN ALREADY AM!
YOU ARE STILL WEARING THE SERVICE CREW UNIFORM THAT MEANS U STILL WORK TOGETHER.
U STUPID OR WAT?
I BET YOU CANT EVEN TIE YOUR OWN TIE! HAHX

AND SO WHAT? SUPERVISOR CANT DO NETING ISSIT?
JUST SIT THERE AND LOOK AT GIRLS AND FLIRT AROUND?
THATS JUST PLAIN BSHIT OKAY!
AND NOW EVEN WHEN U ARE NOT A SUPERVISOR YET, I CAN SEE FAVOURISM.

FK YOU THINK THIS IS UR COUNTRY ARH.
GO BACK HOME LA TO YOUR WIFE AND KIDS.
YOU ARE JUST WASTING THE RESOURCES IN SINGAPORE.
YOU THINK U RULE THIS PLACE?
YOU THINK YOU ARE VERY SMART?
YOU THINK YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHT?

THEN THATS WHY I DECIDED TO JUST LEAVE FNO
BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE U, WHO COULDNT SPEAK PROPER ENGLISH EVEN,
DONT STAND A CHANCE TO WORK HERE IN SPORE.

AND OH ANOTHER ONE THREATEN US?
NOT GONNA PAY OUR SALARY?

FINE.
ITS OKAY.
WE CAN JUST SUE YOU AND THE PLACE WILL JUST COME CLOSING DOWN.
AND YOU AND UR DOG FRIEND CAN JUST GO BACK HOME AND ROT.
WE SINGAPOREANS DONT NEED PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

URGH.
FRUSTRATED!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010 17:00 back to top?

metallic yellow-ish

i seriously dont know what making me super tired.
might be because of yesterday.

yesterday.
went to meet with Mr Raymond regarding the fyp.
fyp really.. URGH la okay!
we have no slightest idea on how to even start after the meeting with the people in charge at the Dyselexia place.
after the meeting with them, me isaac and minli were like totally lost.
and were in the verge of giving up.
and not forgettting, we were utterly demoralised!

thennn yesterday, went to meet Raymond and talk about how to start and such.
and got to know we have to do learn Visual Studio.net :[

another annoying programming.
i really hope its better than java la hor? lols.

hmm thenn after meeting raymond, we went to library to look at books regarding Visual Studio.net. hmm it still looks like some java-ish programming :S

hmm then after that went to eat lunch with minli at fc3.

after that went to find the person for the adobe suite.
so end up we stayed there till 430. more like i stayed till 430.

went to take the train to work.
actually i thought i might be late.
but i reached jurong point in like 15-20 minutes :S

lols.
then went to fno, chat with my love sisterr lathifah and shiqa xD
at about 5 plus then only i decided to change my uniforms.
then i slowly do workkk..

hmm.
all in all, yesterday was pretty crowd.
but it was a great night with shahfandi,firhin,maisara & aiza

went home at nearly 11 plus :S
reached home and i realised i was too tired to sleep.
so i went online and went to finish off my site installation & look thru at the practicals and somewhat i felt super sleepy. lols.

so yeap.
the next morning (which is today), i woke up and i felt super super weak.
my body still ache real bad :S

so yeap.
went to abg's house today.
celebrated siti's 6th birthday.
went to eat at f&o with mum and dad. lols

and i finally tried bullwinkle chocolate la!
i kept making drinks for people but i never had the chance to try! lols.

alright. i guess im done with blogging.
ohs and i colored my nails today :]] love it!

metallic yellow-ish color

alright.
i have to do my icd practical :]]

things to do:
#1 print all icd presentation slides lecture.
#2 bind icd presentation slides lecture.
#3 finish off practical two.
#4 Do designs for Portfolio page & feedback page.
#5 continue with proposal.
#6 start doing codings?

Labels: to-do

Saturday, May 1, 2010 20:18 back to top?