wheee~ my 100th posts today!
i did nothing much today. except going out with parents to JW. dad bought paint for my room. cornfield in color. in other words, somewhat light yellow. i think something like my blog background =D maybe lighter a little or something. oh well. other than that, nothing much. i just finished my networking tutorial 7. im supposed to like do my notes for flip flops for fundamentals.
talking about flip flops. i wanna buy that flip flops at JP!!! maybe blue/white/yellow =D anw, back to main topic. talked to them yesterday. well, they were kinda guilty as i went missing for 4 days or so. haha! oh well.
got to know something from daniel.
so he was the one who asked azri to read my blog. so that explains the "out-of-sudden-ness" lol. well, azri was somewhat worried that day when we met. i was super quiet and seems very moody. lol. the reason to why i was like that is that i was disappointed at him and then i was super sleepy and headaches. lol. so okay he was worried about me after all huh? =x
and daniel told him to read my blog. and he told daniel that he's not gonna leave me after reading it. lol. watever it is, all i want is everyone around me to be happy. azri, daniel, sherri, dayak, liyana, rohani, my crs grp members, my ideas grp members, etc. everyone whom i know to be happy. the happiness of the people much closer with me are much more important. lol my happiness? i try to do something about it. idk what happened to me lately. but when im not happy, i started to pretend. and to daniel, im never good at pretending. even without seeing my eyes, even when we chat online, he could know that im not happy. sherr knows when she looks in my eyes. wow. i wanna learn how!!
anw, ive been thinking about you alot lately. azri. yes i do love you. and the words "i love you" are used often now. like just now, i started smsing with only "i love you." and u replied "wo ai ni" and i replied "Aishiteru" and u lost =x lol. u dont know what language that was. i asked u after that, "do u really love me?" and u replied "yes i do." does that solve everything thats inside my head? insecure. thats what i told daniel. mayeb its new in this "norlin and azri" relationship. but what issit thats bothering me so much? i cant find the answers anywhere...
could it be that im afraid that history will repeat itself? like how me and daniel was? im afraid to fall again esp when now im standing with you by your side? will there ever be misinterpretation due to our 3 years age gap? i realised we both have the same idea of "being-in-a-relationship". which is spending time together, being together, go out often. but i realise.. i can never do that. parents. i cant go out often. i cant go out on weekends. i cant be with you most of the time.. im afraid if thats gonna be the reason ure unhappy with me about. how can i tell if u really am unhappy... i suck at reading people eyes, and i suck at pretending and whats worst...
after that break up, i become a total loser in breaking the ice. lol. i just dont know how to react first. even daniel taught me how to give hints on holding hands. i know i was an expert back then. but i totally lost it now. i will try those hinting the next time i meet u after school. please, let u finish at 5 on tuesday...
i miss you...
first there's insecurity; next there's unfamiliarity.
im not familiar with you by my side yet. your hands on mine when we're together. the grip when u help me stand up. the close feeling when we're hugging. what am i doing? why am i not familiar with you yet? until when...? norlin u really have to stop thinking about the other him and start progressing in ur current relationship. maybe ill take 1 month to get familiar. maybe more. maybe less. probably i got used to him. that other him. maybe i expect too much.. shit i really shouldnt....
to both of them. grats =) see it doesnt matter how i think anyway right? stay happy okay =D i try my best to be. lol.......
Labels: 100th posts
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